What To Do When You're In The Soup

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly .” - Richard Bach

By: Rachel Merrill

If you've ever looked into the life cycle of a butterfly, it's actually pretty fascinating.

We all know how the story starts. A caterpillar crawls around, eats an unbelievable amount of food, and eventually forms a chrysalis.

We also know how it ends. Out comes a butterfly - completely transformed, with wings that allow it to do something the caterpillar never could.

It's the middle part that no one really talks about.

Inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar doesn't simply grow wings. Much of its body begins to break down. Scientists describe it as many of the caterpillar's tissues dissolving into a nutrient-rich liquid while specialized cells begin building what will become the butterfly.

Essentially...

It's in the soup.

I know that's not the scientific term, but I think it's a much better one.

Because if I’m being honest… that's exactly what transformation feels like.

When we look at someone successful, we usually see one of two versions of their story. We either see the caterpillar - the beginning, when they first started - or we see the butterfly, after everything has come together.

Very few people ever get to see the soup.

The part where nothing makes sense. Where you’ve outgrown the old version of you, but the new version hasn't quite figured itself out yet.

The soup is the part where everything feels messy.

And I think that's where a lot of us - leaders, business owners, really just everyone - find themselves.

You start realizing that the way you've always performed isn't getting the same results, and the habits that got you here aren’t going to get you where you’re trying to go.

You know something has to change.

And you just don't know what it's supposed to look like yet.

Being in the soup is deeply uncomfortable because it feels like you're losing pieces of yourself before you've gained anything in return.

But maybe that's exactly what's supposed to happen.

Because you're making room for something new.

So… what do you do when you're in the soup?

Stop trying to become who you used to be.

I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make during seasons of growth.

When things start feeling uncomfortable, our instinct is to get back to normal, or what felt familiar.

But what if "normal" is exactly what's keeping you from growing?

The systems that worked when you had two employees may be the very systems preventing you from effectively leading twenty.

Or, the routines that helped you plan out your day down to the minute may be the same routines keeping you trapped inside it.

Growth almost always requires letting go of a version of yourself that was once incredibly successful.

That doesn't make it wrong.

It just means you've outgrown it.

Don't mistake uncertainty for failure.

I think society has taught us that if we don't know exactly what we're doing, something must be wrong.

But every meaningful transformation includes uncertainty.

Every. Single. One.

If you're building something you've never built before, of course it feels unfamiliar.

If you're becoming someone you've never had to become before, of course you're going to question yourself.

The absence of certainty isn't proof you're headed in the wrong direction.

Sometimes it's proof you've finally left your comfort zone.

Build your habits before you think you need them.

You knew this one was coming.

One of the easiest ways to stay in the soup longer than necessary is by continuing to rely on memory, hustle, and good intentions.

When your life starts growing and changing, your habits need to grow with it.

Not after things become chaotic. Before.

Habits create stability when everything else feels like it's changing.

That stability is exactly what gives you the confidence to keep moving forward.

Let your identity evolve.

I’m not gonna lie, this one might be the hardest.

So many hardworking people unknowingly intertwine their identity with what they do every day.

The problem is that growth eventually asks you to stop doing many of those things.

You stop being the person who has every answer, makes every decision, or solves every problem.

At first, that can feel like you're losing your value, or you don’t know who you are without the constant responsibilities.

In reality, you're increasing your impact.

When you become less essential to every single task, you open yourself up to bigger and more complex challenges. This is how you create the capacity for inevitable growth.

Trust that the soup isn't the destination.

Here's my favorite part about all of this.

Inside that chrysalis, not everything is lost. While much of the caterpillar breaks down, tiny groups of cells remain untouched. They've been there all along, carrying the blueprint for what the butterfly will eventually become.

Even in the middle of the soup, the transformation is already underway.

I think that's true for us, too.

Growth doesn’t necessarily mean that you become an entirely different person. Rather, it’s about uncovering the person you’ve been capable of becoming all along.

The soup is just part of the process.

It isn't where you're meant to stay.

If you're reading this while your business/relationship/life feels messy and complicated...

If you're questioning yourself more than usual...

Or, if the next step feels fuzzy...

You might just be in the soup.

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about the soup, though, is this: The soup isn't enjoyable. Sometimes it's painful. Even worse, it's heartbreaking. But pain isn't the point. Transformation is.

That's where stronger leaders emerge.

It's where stronger habits get built.

It's where healthier environments are intentionally cultivated.

So if you're in the soup right now, don't rush it.

Learn from it.

Build in it.

Because the version of you that's waiting on the other side will thank you for it.

The difference between butterflies and businesses is that butterflies don't have a choice. Their transformation is built into them. Ours requires attention. We have to intentionally decide how we'll lead, what habits we'll build, and what kind of environment we'll create. Transformation doesn't just happen because time passes, it happens because we choose to design it.

When You're Ready

Reading about creating more harmony in your life is one thing.

Giving yourself permission to change the arrangement is another.

We tend to think boldness should be obvious: taking the risk, making the move, launching something new, or finally doing the thing everyone else is too afraid to do.

Sometimes it looks like that.

But sometimes, becoming bolder is much quieter.

It’s admitting that a life you worked very hard to build no longer feels good to live in. It’s questioning a definition of success you inherited before you were old enough to decide whether you actually wanted it. It’s resting before you have completely exhausted yourself, changing direction without presenting a twenty-slide defense of your decision, or giving more attention to the part of your life that needs you, even when that makes everything else look temporarily uneven.

That kind of boldness may not look particularly impressive from the outside.

But it can change the entire composition of your life.

That is why we created Becoming Bolder.

Becoming Bolder is for people who know they are ready for something different, even if they can’t fully explain what “different” looks like yet. It’s a space to examine the life you’ve built, reconsider the expectations you’ve been carrying, and make more intentional choices about your health, your work, your relationships, and whatever comes next.

Not because your life needs to be completely reinvented.

And certainly not because you need another person telling you how to optimize every waking hour of your day.

Sometimes the first step is simply becoming honest about what is no longer working, and be brave enough to imagine what might work better.

You don’t have to balance every part of your life perfectly.

You get to create a life that sounds like you.

And when you’re ready to change the arrangement, we’re here to help you become a little bolder.

Ready to start your conversation? Email us at [email protected]